Destined.

Meet my twin cousins, Ivan and Iain. :)

Help.

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I am nervous. I'm afraid. But I will stand here in the white hot heat of you. I will play Russian roulette with your playlists. I will tell jokes I'm not sure you'll find funny. I will hold on until there is no more reason to. And in the end, I will break the stars and resurrect the sun.
-The Lantern In The Lifeboat.
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Cuddle.

Hey daddy,


It's been two very long years for us. In a way we're settling down, and learning to accept this new way of life. Mummy and me were talking that day, about what would have happened if you were still around. I told her that it doesn't help much to think about it, because that's not the way it happened. But to tell you the truth, dad, I think about it too sometimes. I understand how mummy feels because sometimes, you can't help but think about it.

You were really young and there was so much you could have done if you were still around. You were filled with such passion, such zeal, I used to think you could do just about anything in the world, if only you set your mind to it. I still think that way.

But dad, I think about all the things that you did manage to do during your short lifespan. And then I know why you lived, and why you had to go when you did. And I'm slowly moving on, dad. I think that would be what you would want us to do.

But that doesn't mean we have forgotten you, or that we don't miss you. I miss you everyday. I miss your words of encouragement, I miss your enormous hugs, I miss your sound advice (even though I didn't really like listening to them at that point). And it especially doesn't mean that we've stopped loving you.

I wish you could read this. I wish you could see me grow up, go to college, graduate, walk me down the aisle, be a grandparent to my future kids. I love you daddy. And I always will.

I hope you're happy up there. :)

Love,
May. :)

Unspoken.

What if others don't accept me when they should?

What if what my head says it's totally right but my heart says it's totally wrong? Or the other way round? What then?

I never did. The imperfections were, and are, perfect to me. But yet, it still was not enough, was it?

Always have. That's what kept me happy. Always looked at the positive side too, even though sometimes things bothered me. Try it, please. Maybe I'll look a tiny bit better. And maybe, everything will be alright again.

I still don't think I was all those things you accused me of. But I'm trying to be better. Maybe you could try to be more forgiving and patient too. I'm sure we're solid enough to work it through.

Task.

You're missing. I would appreciate it very much if you come back from wherever it is you're hiding, soon. We need to talk, very badly.

Common.

Ignore the newspaper background. These are my (and my sister's) first ever pair of wedges. After a round of 'scissors, paper, stone', I got to wear them first. I think my sister likes them more than I do. We got them for about RM40 after a 70% discount on Jusco Card day.

They aren't that high, compared to others, but higher than what I usually wear. I wore them on Sunday morning to church. Too bad I was feeling too sick to parade around in them.

I've been wanting a pair of wedges for a while. These pair from Vincci, particularly.

I remember the first time I saw them, we were in Mid Valley and mum was entertaining one of those facial salesgirls outside. We couldn't take better pictures because, well, the salespeople were watching. That was months ago. I don't know if they sell them anymore. :(

I have no idea why I just dedicated a whole blog post on wedges.

Dance.

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True Blood Season 3 will only be out in June 2010. It'll probably be the death of me till then. :(
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Imagination.

She lay in bed awake that night, staring into the darkness. Thoughts flickered in and out of her head. She was tired, so tired of living. Tired of doing everything for everybody. Tired of not being happy.

Her eyes caught sight of a tiny gleam within the darkness. Her only sense of happiness, lay within that gleam. A promise that everything will be okay. A promise that all her dreams would be fulfilled. A hope of being happy, without even trying.

That gleam, was enough to keep her going. Consumed with exhaustion, she willed herself to go to sleep.

"Tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a better day," she told herself.

And she hoped with all her heart that it would be.

******

Sorry guys, this post isn't very good. :)